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I apologize for my absence. It’s been a fortnight since I last visited with you, and I know such a lengthy and unplanned departure distresses you beyond measure. I truly appreciate your dependence upon my wisdom and your acknowledgment that a joyful and bountiful existence is beyond reach without the erudite enlightenment I bring you every week.
And for you dark-hearted savages who rejoice at my absence, try to repent and remember that refusing the light of truth leads to an eternity of wailing and gnashing of teeth in the fiery dungeons of a most inhospitable place.
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